I Need New Friends

Or maybe i just need someone to talk to..
There's nothing wrong with my old ones but,
lately, I've had a lot of bad stuff going on in my life this past week, and then to top it off, another uncle of mine died.
I've spent every day since living from one minute to the next, barely eating, just surviving.
and no one noticed, that i had no appetite, that i was constantly moody, angry, confused and out of sorts, that i needed to talk, that i was lonely.
I needed to talk to someone... just to get these feelings out,
and that was when it hit me.
 I had no one to talk to.

Usually i had Kema, she is like my best friend and  i love her but she is the worst comforter ever. In situations like this, she doesn't see reason to be upset, she listens with half an ear, airs out her opinion and brings up irrelevant things, i know she means well, but i tend to avoid deep talking with her....

Then I had Adam, he was better at listening but really bad at advising as he would proceed to point out all the things that could be worse than they already were. I would have called him, but these days, he doesn't really give a rat's ass about me or my problems anymore..

Elekty, Nancy and Sesi, the ones i see everyday, i tried.... i honestly did. But they always end up thinking im joking.....
Everyone else i talk to outside these are just acquaintances, and i mean it in  all ways possible. People i see, smile at, make inconsequential small talk with , who barely know a thing about me and vice versa.
I needed to talk to someone so badly
i went through my phonebook, bbm contact list and skype.
How can someone have so many 'friends' and still no one to talk to??
Most people don't know i'm really emotional, i tend to write my problems out, but sometimes i need to talk too...
and i really needed to talk,
Actually, i still do...
so maybe i don't need new friends
maybe i just need someone to talk to......

***

Bitch Please

I am soooooooooooooooooooooo pissed right now!!!

So this stupid bitch, that i fucking hate... claims to be 'intimately involved' with someone i like/liked

Why does it bother me you ask???

BECAUSE she keeps insinuating it near me.
why are you saying it near me? what the fuck do you want me to do about that??

would you like a condom with that comment?? 

This is her pathetic little attempt at making me jealous??

So you sleep at his house, so he texts you, so you spend time with him and you call him ..BIG.FUCKING.DEAL!!!

Am i supposed to be miserable about that??

Abeg bitch, 

Go and take a flying leap of faith off my fucking balcony for all i care,

and if you say that shit near me again, imma kick you outta my  house #StraightUp

Fuck Everything?

Fuck society. Fuck normality. Get piercings. Get tattoos. Do drugs. Get high. Drink ‘till you pass out. Have sex. Love with all your heart. Play the music loud. Live your fucking life. Fuck what people expect of you. Do what makes you happy.

....

That girl had some demonic looking smile on her face. The look where you got something you been wanting for a long time. As I stared at her in that brief instance, It was like a window to her soul, I don't know how to explain it but I could see exactly how she felt. I saw the childlike glee first, a victory..and her first at that. I saw the smirk next.. She was glad, and she felt that I had finally gotten what I deserved. And finally I saw the gloat, she was gonna dangle it over me every chance she got.It went away as soon as she saw me staring. And that, more than anything else that had happened made me want to weep. She had done what she felt she needed for herself.
I was speechless. I didn't know what to say and there wasn't much I could say. I wish I had told her before that, that I wasn't fighting with her.. I never was especially not now...
My throat felt sandpapered. I wished the world would open up and swallow me. But it didn't.
I turned around before the tears fell. I still had my dignity. And the stupid bitch wasn't gonna see me cry.

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

How I Feel Right Now

Not every girl wants to be in a relationship.....
           Some just want good company, a fella to vibe with, converse with, laugh with. Not in a rush about anything, We're both young, we have the rest of our lives ahead of us. 

           Start off simple, and let the rest find Itself. Just Having someone to talk to and feeling comfortable around them is quite beautiful, and a good feeling. Minds connecting, Both on the same page, No bullshit, having someone that actually listens to you, your thoughts and wonders. Someone to cuddle when i'm lonely, a shoulder to cry on, someone to disagree with and fight with 'sometimes'. lol
      I don’t need the label “In a relationship” to feel that you care for or enjoy my company. Be sincere with me, it’s quite simple really. As a lady, I don’t expect nor need you to wine and dine me, I'm pretty sure i can pay for my own things. I don’t expect anything but your respect and company.