iWrite because i can. Because i have two hands and ten (very beautiful) fingers that allow me to write. Because i have thoughts in my head that i want to write. Because i'm not quite sane. Because i am me :)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

she feels heartbroken and he doesnt know why because they never really had anything..........

Saturday, July 24, 2010


Anybody out there??
i have realised that
its high time i get professional help
like a therapist or psychologist.
but i really do need professional help
i told my parents
they laughed
very funny
they wont find it so funny when i  overdose
or slit my wrists..
ha fucking ha
who's laughing now

Sunday, July 18, 2010

My Roulette

And you can see my heart beating

You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

I used to think russian roulette was a very stupid and dangerous game... actually... i still do
but now.. i feel i can relate with the players on some level...
i dont exactly know why they feel the need to play with their lives for the sake of getting a 'thrill'.

I can relate to their feelings.. because on one hand, he/she might not get shot, and thats all fine and dandy.. but they also realize that they might get shot and that the consequence of getting shot is probably death or a life threatening injury that could leave them as vegetables.. either way, getting shot is not good..... but somebody's gonna get shot.

I feel like im in a position where i'm inevitably going to get shot...
i dont mean literally... i mean, like im going to get hurt
theres a tiny possibility that im not going to get hurt
a ten in hundred chance that everything is gonna be ok
but theres also a 90 in hundred chance that i get hurt.

Why dont i stop playing?? 
because like the poor roulette players.... i just cant
im driven by need and curiosity
to see the outcome
am i gonna be that lucky 10 in 100
able to tell the story another day
or am i gonna get hurt
hurt on a level that i may never fully recover from
but its a chance i have to take
because i have to know
because i wont rest 
till you point the gun at my head
till i see you pull the trigger
till you hurt me bad enough
that i cant take even an inch more
till i am weak and broken
i may be asking for trouble
but i have to know
lets talk about it
once and for all
let it all out
shoot me a million times
i really dont care or mind
heal me or hurt me
just do something

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Where art thou?? Come Quickly

Yeah, im talking to you Fall!!!!
cuz summer is killing me here mehn!!
There is a HUGE difference between Nigeria and Canada in terms of summer, cuz in naija, no matter how hot it is, the wind must still blow and it must always be cool.
This stupid mass of confused weather that calls itself Canada ehn... i see why people didnt really fight to colonize it sha and i also see why britain didnt argue when Canada wanted its independence because seriously yeah, who wants this hot mess of weather.
The weather here is exactly like someone is standing in the sky aiming a giant blow dryer on heat towards the earth.. or rather, towards Canada.. or even towards me. Its soooooo Hot!! and then when the weather decides to be stupid, it goes winter on our asses and leaves us shivering in our little booty shorts and tank top cuz we expected hot weather.

I try to cope in this weather tho, i have a giant fan plugged in by my side, Hooking me up with much needed air because it seems like the air in this country only moves in winter when we dont want it.

I suggest Tim Hortons Iced Cappuccino if the heat is getting to you, it does wonders for the soul and the body.. wholesome goodness.. hehe
I hate Tim Hortons though, because they are too stupid to see that if they start accepting debit cards, they would probably make more money than Starbucks ( atleast in Canada)
because i hate holding cash on me.. and most of my coins go to laundry and vending machines so whenever i need coffee, i have to find somewhere to get some cash-back which mostly involves me buying some next magazine or pack of gum just to get 3 loonies to buy some damn coffee.
And when that fails, i have to go to the bank and WITHDRAW which i hate doing, i really do hate to have cash on me at anytime, and at the bank where the minimum withdrawal is $20, then i go to tim hortons and they break the money into smaller pieces all for a $3 cup of cappuccino??
It hardly happens to me though cuz i have a Tim-Card but when i forget to reload my Tim-Card.. it sucks!!!

The point of this long story being that Tim Hortons Iced Cap helps you cope with the heat and that you should buy it.
Swimming is soooo yummy at this time of the year, that really goes without saying tho.
My best season therefore are
1) Fall
2) Spring
3) Winter

Summer is not there yet.. until it behaves itself...
About my Last Post :

I realize its a bit ... (errr whats the word) Harsh? Deep? Mean? idk
I was writing in anger and its shows a bit of the deranged and teenage part of me (raging hormones and all)
Even though im in a much better mood now, i meant every single word i said.
A lot of things and people are dead to me from this point on.
I promised myself that i'd stick with it
and i promised to bear the consequences.
Some people may be disappointed in me
( Im really really sorry Somto)
But hey, thats life and you cant please everyone
i hope tho, that when im done,  i can find myself again.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

My World 2.0

Even if you were a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
near me, touch me, feel me
And even in the bottom of the sea
I can still hear inside my head
Telling me, touch me, feel me
And all the time you were telling me lies

So tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
(Alicia Keys - Try Sleeping With a broken heart)

Sometimes, i ask people if they would change some of the things they did if they could. Many of them tell me no, because apparently, they learned from their mistakes and they had memories to look back on, i used to delude myself, telling myself the same thing, that i didnt want anything to be different because my mistakes made me stronger, they made me the person i am today and they would help shape the decisions i would make tomorrow.

Because the past seven months of my life have been filled with more mistakes and bad decisions than all the other years of my life put together. Each mistake did not make me wiser, it led to other mistakes, they led to bad decisions and i fucking swear to God that if i could, i would wipe clean those months. I would do things a WHOLE lot differently.
Its too late for 'could-haves' 'would-haves' and 'should-haves'
I cant fix whats past but i sure as hell have a say in my future.
because im tired of fixing things that clearly want to remain broken
because im tired of being nice to everyone and getting wickedness and stupidity in return
because im tired of having my feelings toyed with
because im crying.... again
because im tired of being judged
because i love you
because i sure as hell don't like the way i feel right now
because i never want to feel this way AGAIN
because im tired

Im taking control now
Im going to cry when i WANT to and not because you made me cry
Im going to make mistakes ON PURPOSE and because i want to, so that i don't get judged for something i didn't do purposely.
This is not directed at any one person
Its directed to all of you
and  you know yourselves
You are my bitches now yeah, cuz
You're gonna judge me because i GAVE YOU reason to and not because you want to.
You can fucking like me or fucking hate me because
if i had a million fucks


This is me on a rampage, no fucking turning back now, you want the claws, the catfights?
Guess what???
Smile!!! You win!!!
Welcome to me, on a whole new level.

In the words of Georgina Sparks
'You can tell Jesus, the bitch is back'

Sunday, July 4, 2010

True Talk

Its true yeah but please get out of my head already... please?? Please???? Please!!!!!
Im sick and tired of this already... Just go. Thanks