iWrite because i can. Because i have two hands and ten (very beautiful) fingers that allow me to write. Because i have thoughts in my head that i want to write. Because i'm not quite sane. Because i am me :)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

My Roulette

And you can see my heart beating

You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

I used to think russian roulette was a very stupid and dangerous game... actually... i still do
but now.. i feel i can relate with the players on some level...
i dont exactly know why they feel the need to play with their lives for the sake of getting a 'thrill'.

I can relate to their feelings.. because on one hand, he/she might not get shot, and thats all fine and dandy.. but they also realize that they might get shot and that the consequence of getting shot is probably death or a life threatening injury that could leave them as vegetables.. either way, getting shot is not good..... but somebody's gonna get shot.

I feel like im in a position where i'm inevitably going to get shot...
i dont mean literally... i mean, like im going to get hurt
theres a tiny possibility that im not going to get hurt
a ten in hundred chance that everything is gonna be ok
but theres also a 90 in hundred chance that i get hurt.

Why dont i stop playing?? 
because like the poor roulette players.... i just cant
im driven by need and curiosity
to see the outcome
am i gonna be that lucky 10 in 100
able to tell the story another day
or am i gonna get hurt
hurt on a level that i may never fully recover from
but its a chance i have to take
because i have to know
because i wont rest 
till you point the gun at my head
till i see you pull the trigger
till you hurt me bad enough
that i cant take even an inch more
till i am weak and broken
i may be asking for trouble
but i have to know
lets talk about it
once and for all
let it all out
shoot me a million times
i really dont care or mind
heal me or hurt me
just do something


Bee! said...

random much.. haha

GaGaPosh said...

you have no idea