iWrite because i can. Because i have two hands and ten (very beautiful) fingers that allow me to write. Because i have thoughts in my head that i want to write. Because i'm not quite sane. Because i am me :)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Reminiscing...The journey so far

Today is the 24th of December.
On exactly this day last year, i made the biggest mistake i have ever made in my short life thus far.
And this mistake cost me dearly, it followed me into 2010, was the cause of 85% of my problems this year, totally ruined my reputation, credibility and sanity.
It took away alot from me, it took my courage, it took my then called 'friends'
Do you know what it feels like to walk into a room full of laughing, chatting people, and the room goes silent?
Have you faced several heavy and hurtful accusations with no way to defend yourself?
Have you needed someone so badly and they conveniently decided not to talk to you?
I think the worst part in all of this, is the hope i had.
i can be such a pathetic loser sometimes
Looking back today, i stand here a broken and bitter person.
Wishing i'd done things differently, wishing i'd never done anything at all. wishing i could go back, erase everything, make everyone forget about it, act like it never happened.
 There was a time i thought i'd never be happy ever again, and so i let myself sink, i felt sorry for myself, i was so close to suicide, i never told anyone how i stood crying, with 2 bottles of extra-strength Tylenol,  wondering if it would hurt and how long it would take.
But slowly, with the help of God and a few close friends, i was able to pick up the broken pieces, to push through everything.
I can honestly say that in the past month and half, i have been happier, more emotionally and mentally stable than i have been this whole year. I had a crap year and i'm not going to stand here and point fingers but changes have to be made. No more emotional bullshit, i've indulged in self-pity for too long. I am fucking awesome and have wasted a year of my life bullshitting.
 i am going to learn from and rise above my mistakes, move forward and make my 2011 so much better than 2010.
And by this time next year, i shall have another story to tell. A better one. A happy one.
I'm on this, best believe that!!

                                          Too Blessed to be stressed!!

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