iWrite because i can. Because i have two hands and ten (very beautiful) fingers that allow me to write. Because i have thoughts in my head that i want to write. Because i'm not quite sane. Because i am me :)

Friday, October 29, 2010

A Lying DramaQueen

I'm not sure how i feel right now.
Numb? Yes
Shocked? Yes
Tearful? Very.......

       A rumor gets halfway around the world while the truth is still putting his shoes on.
Assuming i did all you heard i did?
Above all things, i'm you're friend. At least i thought i was. If the whole world had their backs turned against me, i certainly did not expect to see you there. Everyone makes mistakes.....so i can't be forgiven? i can't? really?

      But then again i told you i definitely did NOT do any of those.
and you didn't believe me.
I never lie to you, even when i should. I'd rather not say anything at all, than to lie to you.
     ''You're Lying'', you said.
     '' I don't believe you and you're lying''.
That was when the first tear fell.
     ''So many holes in your story''.
     ''You're not making sense''.
You wonder why i was silent?
You wonder why i choked on my words??
I cried.
Not because you were right, but because i could not believe that you of all people would throw those words at me. That you were so willing to think the worst of me.
I thought we were in a good place.
I thought we were stronger than that.
but thats just me... thinking wrong again.
If at all everything else went wrong between us, i thought we'd be friends till the end.
I thought i'd always be able to call on you in my darkest hours.. and that you'd answer.
Me and my stupid thoughts, the joke's on me.

  You said i bring drama to your life. 
   I am a drama-queen. I accept that, everyone knows that. but thats not the drama you meant.
Do you know?
      What i went through?
       What i still go through?
because of you???
because i loved you???
       No, you don't.
and you never will.
        Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh.          
              You want me out of your life? i'll go. and i'll take my drama and lies with me.
Don't kick me out like some dog. i'll walk.
I'll walk far and fast and i won't stop till you're happy.
    I did learn a lesson from all this though. Never go after something you clearly were not meant to have.
This is an ode,
to a friendship that was doomed from inception. 
We were all too blind to notice.