Appreciation

Moving on is as hard to do as moving a large boulder uphill .... not impossible, but quite difficult. 
Having good friends to help you clear the tracks, push with you or simply cheer you on, makes it a whole lot easier.
I don't say this nearly enough..... in fact i don't even say it at all..lol
But let the records show, that i appreciate my friends!!
I really do!!

she feels heartbroken and he doesnt know why because they never really had anything..........

Hello??

Anybody out there??
i have realised that
its high time i get professional help
like a therapist or psychologist.
but i really do need professional help
i told my parents
they laughed
very funny
they wont find it so funny when i  overdose
or slit my wrists..
ha fucking ha
who's laughing now
nobody....

My Roulette

And you can see my heart beating

You can see it through my chest

And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving

Know that I must must pass this test

So just pull the trigger

           

                        -Rihanna 

I used to think russian roulette was a very stupid and dangerous game... actually... i still do

but now.. i feel i can relate with the players on some level...

i dont exactly know why they feel the need to play with their lives for the sake of getting a 'thrill'.

I can relate to their feelings.. because on one hand, he/she might not get shot, and thats all fine and dandy.. but they also realize that they might get shot and that the consequence of getting shot is probably death or a life threatening injury that could leave them as vegetables.. either way, getting shot is not good..... but somebody's gonna get shot.

I feel like im in a position where i'm inevitably going to get shot...

i dont mean literally... i mean, like im going to get hurt

theres a tiny possibility that im not going to get hurt

a ten in hundred chance that everything is gonna be ok

but theres also a 90 in hundred chance that i get hurt.

Why dont i stop playing?? 

because like the poor roulette players.... i just cant

im driven by need and curiosity

to see the outcome

am i gonna be that lucky 10 in 100

able to tell the story another day

or am i gonna get hurt

hurt on a level that i may never fully recover from

but its a chance i have to take

because i have to know

because i wont rest 

till you point the gun at my head

till i see you pull the trigger

till you hurt me bad enough

that i cant take even an inch more

till i am weak and broken

i may be asking for trouble

but i have to know

lets talk about it

once and for all

let it all out

shoot me a million times

i really dont care or mind

heal me or hurt me

just do something

ANYTHING

Where art thou?? Come Quickly

Yeah, im talking to you Fall!!!!

cuz summer is killing me here mehn!!

There is a HUGE difference between Nigeria and Canada in terms of summer, cuz in naija, no matter how hot it is, the wind must still blow and it must always be cool.

This stupid mass of confused weather that calls itself Canada ehn... i see why people didnt really fight to colonize it sha and i also see why britain didnt argue when Canada wanted its independence because seriously yeah, who wants this hot mess of weather.

The weather here is exactly like someone is standing in the sky aiming a giant blow dryer on heat towards the earth.. or rather, towards Canada.. or even towards me. Its soooooo Hot!! and then when the weather decides to be stupid, it goes winter on our asses and leaves us shivering in our little booty shorts and tank top cuz we expected hot weather.

I try to cope in this weather tho, i have a giant fan plugged in by my side, Hooking me up with much needed air because it seems like the air in this country only moves in winter when we dont want it.

I suggest Tim Hortons Iced Cappuccino if the heat is getting to you, it does wonders for the soul and the body.. wholesome goodness.. hehe

I hate Tim Hortons though, because they are too stupid to see that if they start accepting debit cards, they would probably make more money than Starbucks ( atleast in Canada)

because i hate holding cash on me.. and most of my coins go to laundry and vending machines so whenever i need coffee, i have to find somewhere to get some cash-back which mostly involves me buying some next magazine or pack of gum just to get 3 loonies to buy some damn coffee.

And when that fails, i have to go to the bank and WITHDRAW which i hate doing, i really do hate to have cash on me at anytime, and at the bank where the minimum withdrawal is $20, then i go to tim hortons and they break the money into smaller pieces all for a $3 cup of cappuccino??

It hardly happens to me though cuz i have a Tim-Card but when i forget to reload my Tim-Card.. it sucks!!!

The point of this long story being that Tim Hortons Iced Cap helps you cope with the heat and that you should buy it.

Swimming is soooo yummy at this time of the year, that really goes without saying tho.

My best season therefore are

1) Fall

2) Spring

3) Winter

Summer is not there yet.. until it behaves itself...

**********************************************************************************

About my Last Post :

I realize its a bit ... (errr whats the word) Harsh? Deep? Mean? idk

I was writing in anger and its shows a bit of the deranged and teenage part of me (raging hormones and all)

BUT

Even though im in a much better mood now, i meant every single word i said.

A lot of things and people are dead to me from this point on.

I promised myself that i'd stick with it

and i promised to bear the consequences.

Some people may be disappointed in me

( Im really really sorry Somto)

But hey, thats life and you cant please everyone

i hope tho, that when im done,  i can find myself again.

Deuces 

xx

My World 2.0

Even if you were a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
near me, touch me, feel me
And even in the bottom of the sea
I can still hear inside my head
Telling me, touch me, feel me
And all the time you were telling me lies

So tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you

(Alicia Keys - Try Sleeping With a broken heart)

Sometimes, i ask people if they would change some of the things they did if they could. Many of them tell me no, because apparently, they learned from their mistakes and they had memories to look back on, i used to delude myself, telling myself the same thing, that i didnt want anything to be different because my mistakes made me stronger, they made me the person i am today and they would help shape the decisions i would make tomorrow.

FUCK.THAT.

Because the past seven months of my life have been filled with more mistakes and bad decisions than all the other years of my life put together. Each mistake did not make me wiser, it led to other mistakes, they led to bad decisions and i fucking swear to God that if i could, i would wipe clean those months. I would do things a WHOLE lot differently.

Its too late for 'could-haves' 'would-haves' and 'should-haves'

I cant fix whats past but i sure as hell have a say in my future.

because im tired of fixing things that clearly want to remain broken

because im tired of being nice to everyone and getting wickedness and stupidity in return

because im tired of having my feelings toyed with

because im crying.... again

because im tired of being judged

because i love you

because i sure as hell don't like the way i feel right now

because i never want to feel this way AGAIN

because im tired

Im taking control now

Im going to cry when i WANT to and not because you made me cry

Im going to make mistakes ON PURPOSE and because i want to, so that i don't get judged for something i didn't do purposely.
This is not directed at any one person
Its directed to all of you
and  you know yourselves
You are my bitches now yeah, cuz

You're gonna judge me because i GAVE YOU reason to and not because you want to.

You can fucking like me or fucking hate me because

if i had a million fucks

I.STILL. WOULDN'T.GIVE.YOU.ONE.

This is me on a rampage, no fucking turning back now, you want the claws, the catfights?

Guess what???

Smile!!! You win!!!

Surprised?

Welcome to me, on a whole new level.

In the words of Georgina Sparks

'You can tell Jesus, the bitch is back'

True Talk

Its true yeah but please get out of my head already... please?? Please???? Please!!!!!
Im sick and tired of this already... Just go. Thanks

Hi

These are the ramblings... going on in my head... at the moment

 what happens when your whole world falls apart??

 nothing... absolutely nothing

you just think its falling apart

 it never really does though

 life goes on.... and on... and on

 i know

that it hurts

 so bad...

 real bad

 thats what we have feelings for

to feel

so cry when you hurt

 let it all out

i'm really too old to be crying

cry still

and remember that by this time next year

you'll laugh about it

unless someone died

did someone die?

cause it would be totally inappropriate to laugh about death

no one died

but it feels like someone should

 then cry

just cry

nd when youre done

smile

because when you're down

remember that

 aint no place to go but up baby

The Life and Times of a Persistent Trouble Maker (Intro)

So.... im gonna write the actual post in approximately 3 weeks, this is just random babble because Osayi asked me to update my blog (p.s. im gonna write something about you... figure it out :P ) . I keep getting in trouble, trouble is one of my middle names that i have and definitely do NOT want. It wasn't always this way though, i had a peaceful childhood..... till i turned 12. iThink, it's been my best friend since then, i didn't really care before but now... its getting worse, im getting in trouble for things not even worth it... sha, you have to chill till my next post....

Have you ever told someone something, and the reaction they gave you was totally outta the blue?? Like you weren't even expecting it?? of course you have, people do it on regular basis... but sometimes.. its makes you think... and question the stuff you know or at least thought you knew.... and the way you see someone can completely change....... i know im definitely not being paranoid on this one, even though it sounds like it..
That being said... my creativity has run out.

Finally!!!!! a story by my friend F !!! she writes and you can read her stories (Here) , im addicted!! :p
This is an excerpt from one of her stories 'Born to Die'

I sliced. The pain welcomed me with the familiarity of an old friend. Where people had failed to, my pain had always been there to embrace me. It had been my life-long companion and would be with me till the end. I watched my veins gently whisper my scarlet secrets to the earth. It was the dead of night. The market had been deserted. Here I was, in a makeshift stall, with neither friends nor family and nothing but a shoplifted razor to my name, but I felt more powerful than I ever had. I took ownership of that death sentence and decided it was time for it to be fulfilled. My whole life, I had waited for help, understanding and love from others. Finally, I took control. I hated my life so I did something about it.

Yet, I failed at even that. Now I am staring outside the window of a general ward at the University College Hospital. Some misguided Samaritan must have found me. If only they knew the importance of what they had interrupted… Another bitter laugh wells up inside me as I inspect the bandages placed on my wrists. It is another excruciating irony that these fabrics intended to save my life are the very obstacles to my salvation. I want to bleed away my frustrations, bleed away my loneliness, bleed away my pain. I need to. I will.

In the village, they were waiting for me to die. It‘s only a matter of time. I am determined. After all, abiku is my name. Death is my purpose.


                                                                             *Kisses*                                                              
                                                                          ..::GaGa::..

HYPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Firstly i have something to say.... Iron Man 2 was awesome!!! :D :D :D
Everyone should go and watch it nowwwww!!
Quote of the day 
*Contrary to popular belief,the world does not revolve around me, im just awesome like that :P

     I know the blackberry is a hyped phone but seriously bbm (Blackberry Messenger) makes it worth the hype. Im arguing the case because i love my blackberry and i find it very very very convenient. It's like texting only..its BETTER!! 

Some people argue that they could have the msn, Skype and yahoo messengers on their phones but its not the same thing fool!!

Not everyone is online on those all the time but bbm has no offline save for switching of your phone. I find it absolutely cool that i can send pictures, files (songs and videos) and voice-notes to my friends in Asia, america, London, Nigeria and everywhere else at no extra cost. Its brilliant and in my opinion, it far outshines everything else. I think people who don't know what they are saying should shut up and hide their ignorance. Where do you get of saying your LG MoBILE phone is the same this as my blackberry SMARTPHONE *note the words Mobile vs. Smart*

#ShootYourselfPlease

The Blackberry is one of the best phones out there and if everyone wants to get one, well i dont blame them. I do agree that its hyped much but that the way it is

                                             

                                           Nigerians know how to hype things though

Like the Macbook... its a perfectly good laptop but until it creates the cure for cancer please stop telling me to get one. Most Nigerians i know with macbooks use it for just the basic functions, they dont maximize it to its full capabilities, they just have it cuz they are trying to prove to their air-headed circle of friends that they have money or something equally ridiculous. I like my laptop just the way it is #ThankYouVeryMuch

Beats by dre, those things are madly hyped!!! i mean, if it had something worth it, it would be okay but i personally tried the $300 dollar beats and some $72 dollar skull candy headphones and i did not detect a difference except the skull-candy ones were louder and gave me an earache. And some other people tried this as well, i definitely do not see myself purchasing them #Period

Schooling in England is another hype. There's nothing wrong with it but its really not for everyone. Some people have made it their life ambition and just want to go there cuz they see fun and parties. They dont realise that some people party and still have time for studying. They all rush there and when they get there, make noise, attend all the parties and of course take all the pictures so we can see that they are 'Living the life'. They forget what they came for and become immersed in having 'fun'. Fun becomes a competetion, who's having the most fun? who is being talked about the most? they go to great lenghts for all these and end up loosing..they stop going to classes, drugs, parties and sex consume them, i happen to know a lot of them.... then they get dragged back to naij and their parents give the most insane excuses for their presences #SMH

             Im tired of writing atm, i read a lovely story by my new friend F which i have stolen, its going to be my next post though

#Sorry for all the #hashtags i'v just been on a twitter thing lately sha.. follow me @bosshunnay :)

and FYI

This is my opinion,so nobody should argue with me, if your have a different one, go to your own fucking blog and express it, got it??

                                                                   *Kisses*

                                                                 ..::GaGa::..

Depressed XD

And so she counted.

Count she did

And the months came

And the months went

Still she counted

She ran out of months

Yes! She did!!

Still too far

She counted still

She counted weeks

She counted days

Till finally

She counted hours

She panicked

She was worried, then excited, then nervous

Her mind filled with what if's??

She couldn’t sit

She couldn’t stand

She couldn’t sleep

This is an excerpt from a poem i wrote in early April. When i read the whole poem, i felt really really sad. It made me remember exactly how i was feeling when i wrote it and even worse the reason i wrote it. But i promised myself not to walk down that road anymore. #StoryOfMyLife