A Lying DramaQueen

I'm not sure how i feel right now.
Numb? Yes
Shocked? Yes
Tearful? Very.......


       A rumor gets halfway around the world while the truth is still putting his shoes on.
Assuming i did all you heard i did?
Above all things, i'm you're friend. At least i thought i was. If the whole world had their backs turned against me, i certainly did not expect to see you there. Everyone makes mistakes.....so i can't be forgiven? i can't? really?


      But then again i told you i definitely did NOT do any of those.
and you didn't believe me.
I never lie to you, even when i should. I'd rather not say anything at all, than to lie to you.
     ''You're Lying'', you said.
     '' I don't believe you and you're lying''.
That was when the first tear fell.
     ''So many holes in your story''.
     ''You're not making sense''.
You wonder why i was silent?
You wonder why i choked on my words??
I cried.
Not because you were right, but because i could not believe that you of all people would throw those words at me. That you were so willing to think the worst of me.
I thought we were in a good place.
I thought we were stronger than that.
but thats just me... thinking wrong again.
If at all everything else went wrong between us, i thought we'd be friends till the end.
I thought i'd always be able to call on you in my darkest hours.. and that you'd answer.
Me and my stupid thoughts, the joke's on me.


  You said i bring drama to your life. 
wow.
   I am a drama-queen. I accept that, everyone knows that. but thats not the drama you meant.
Do you know?
      What i went through?
       What i still go through?
because of you???
because i loved you???
       No, you don't.
and you never will.
        Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh.          
              You want me out of your life? i'll go. and i'll take my drama and lies with me.
Don't kick me out like some dog. i'll walk.
I'll walk far and fast and i won't stop till you're happy.
    I did learn a lesson from all this though. Never go after something you clearly were not meant to have.
This is an ode,
to a friendship that was doomed from inception. 
We were all too blind to notice.

Impossible

                      I used to think there was only one kind of heartbreak and that was the kind I was used to feeling. The kind that caused an ache inside of me and caused me to weep for hours, wishing the pain would go away. I never knew I could wish such pain on myself again. Because it hurts, this new kind of heartbreak hurts in ways I never knew could hurt. I feel numb and broken. I feel nothing and I feel everything, I feel useless and irrelevant. I've been through three frikkin break-ups, this wasn't even a real break-up so how the hell does this hurt more??  Funny part is….. I caused it; I can’t blame anyone but myself because i walked right into it. I can’t even sleep, its waiting for me in my dreams, I can’t eat… I feel fat…..  and I lost, I knew I was going to lose, I always lose but this time I didn’t expect to feel like such a massive loser when it eventually happened. I wish I could go back in time (who doesn’t), I wish I never came here. It’s funny how a person can completely change your life without even knowing or caring.  I don’t know what to do….and I don’t know how to cope all I know is that I don’t want to feel this way… but as always, Story of my damn life

#now playing- ‘Impossible’ (Shontelle)

You were strong and I was not

My illusion, my mistake,

I was careless, I forgot

I did. And now

When all is done, there is nothing to say

 You have gone and so effortlessly

You have won

 You can go ahead and tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the rooftops

Write it on the skyline

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped, would be

Impossible

Lurv Lurv Lurvv.. it sucks innit??